I'm having to remind myself, daily, that my son's life is his own. As much as I plan and schedule, he has plans and, in a way, a schedule too. When he tells me he doesn't want to do something or doesn't want to go somewhere, I need to listen to him. Now, of course, some things are not optional. Yes, we do have to go to the grocery store. Yes, you do have to brush your teeth. Yes, you do have to go to your grandparents' house so I can go to work. But he doesn't always want to. He'd much rather romp around outside, build a mucking tractor in the living room, or glue pompoms to construction paper with glitter glue.
When I allow him the time to tell me why he doesn't want to go to or do the thing that must be done I am able to engage in a conversation with him about why we must go, or do. And then we can work out a compromise. Yes, we have to go to the grocery store but we don't have to go right now; we can go in an hour. Yes, you do have to brush your teeth but you don't have to brush them at the bathroom sink; you can brush them in the rocker. Yes, you do have to stay at your grandparents' so I can go to work but you can bring a special toy.
These things may seem trivial to me but they are real to him. And, because I love and respect him, I must respect his needs, and his plans, and his schedule. If I don't, how can I expect him to do the same for me and my needs? But, man, it takes daily reminders. Daily.